Parenting is not how i imagined it! - Family - Support Groups

Im wondering if anyone else had these huge ideals of what kind of parent they would be-and then never became that type of parent.

i always try to do as much as i can for my kids-worry about them-but i know i spend so much time worrying about the future-that i dont enjoy present. i also am not the cool, fun mom i wish to be. im not supermom.im am alot like my own mom lol which isnt a bad thing-but i never thought i'd be like her. I use to get so annoyed w. my mom when she worried or was nervous person--or when she was busy doing 10 things at once--and now i see myself doing the exact same thing. i always wanted to shield my children from pain, dysfunction etc--but this last yr w. issues w. their dad-being hurt/sick-they have seen me upset-and likely they were confused/upset themselves at the situation..

one thing i finally realized though that my kids are very resillent and egocentric. their under 6 so its normal for them to be self focused. They arent selfish-have empathy for others-but they view things only from their persepctive-and how it affects them. i felt so awful-that i was in hospital -then getting help=not w/them--thought they hate me or feel abandoned. But now that im home w. them- i realize my kids werent devestated. they were w. family-didnt really realize exactly what happened-and they were more worried about little things in their life-school-friends-their toys-my daughter was worried about not being able to watch dora in a new place lol. She didnt realize Dora could be viewed on any tv that got the channel. So i realize they will likely be ok-even if i cant provide them the perfect life, free of drama/sad things etc. I hope small stresses in life-will teach them that stuff happens but we can overcome it as a family.

i use to be a stay at home mother-but went back to school. Now im in school/working part time-and i was so worried that my kids would be sad w.me not home and-id be a bad mom. my biggest fear is that im a bad mom. but oddly somehow it all worked out. they like day camp-i still put them first-we have lots of time together -so it doesnt matter that im not home w. them. plus they are hitting the ages were they have friends-outside activities like classes-so they like socializing-and telling me about their day.

what i realize today is there is no one right way to parent-and most of us do our best and make it work. kids are resilient-and as long as they know we love them-and are securely attached to us--they will be fine.

im taking a lifespan developmental psych class over summer online--and few of my fellow students hotly debated whether parent shouldnt cuddle too much there kids-or if the new trendy attachment parenting is right way. We were suppose to be discussing attachment bw infant and caregiver==but some how it lead to parenting styles-and what is the right way.---i didnt mean it offensively to them--but who cares. its really a personal choice of a parent. I cuddled my kids, but eventually put them in a crib too--i was a teenager-so needed my moms/husband to help to learn how to be a mom-and was so overwhelmed that i did whatever would calm my son. my first was difficult-so he may have been cuddled alot-but he is secure, normal-not overly attached 6 yr old who is happy. First 5 mths of his life-he slept more w. me or his dad then in bassinet or crib-but he survived=learned to self soooth and is ok. Even w. breast feeding-health wise maybe little better-but doesnt matter-u will still have an ok happy kid-if u dont breast feed. I breast feed-but i would never judge a woman who chooses not too-or couldnt, what matters is parents caring-involved w. there kids. the kids who sadly are insecuely attached to parents or not all attached were neglected, abused, and some dont even have loved ones who care about them.

SO i am trying very hard not to over worry or get down on myself if i cant be the perfect parent-bc i realize there is no perfect parent.

i forgot to make my daughter a princess outfit for library fairy tale ball. My daughter had a huge tantrum bc she thought she couldnt go if she wasnt a princess. When drama subsided, I found my sons old knight custome=she went as a "knight" w. her brother's light up sword too-and had a blast==and said she didnt want to be a princess-she wanted to be a knight-so i realize things just work out-we all have to be resilient in this world.

sorry for tangent. i can be so hard on myself-and worry im not a good parent. but it just hit me-that when we worry-love our kids-and try our hardest--even if we make mistakes--we are ok--even good parents--and odds are our children are ok and happy =)

On aside note-ideal things i always wanted to do w. my kids-is over summer do car trip-travel-learn about different states. so i will try to do that some day. Maybe even this summer it could be a mini car trip/vacation. Main thing is im going to learn to be ok doing what works for me and my family, and stop feeling bad that im not super mom---or do things the same way everyone else does.
I also worry my kids will just value material things-so i want to start getting them involved in helping others-maybe get them involved in giving a toy to the poor or something like that.

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